Not All Who Drain You Are Thieves — Sometimes, They’re Holding a Mirror

You’ve probably felt it before. That strange heaviness after spending time with someone. I know I have! The low-level exhaustion after leaving a certain space. The subtle sense that your light dimmed — even if no one was outright cruel. We’re quick to label people like this “energy vampires.” But not all who drain you are thieves. Some are mirrors. Some are teachers. And sometimes, they’re simply hungry for what you’re already leaking.

Your energy is your most valuable asset — but it’s inseparable from your personal sovereignty, your authority over your own body, mind, heart, and choices. Energetic sovereignty grows from this foundation. Once you realize you have a choice in every moment — to engage, to withdraw, to filter, or to open — you reclaim your energy on your terms. Every “draining” interaction becomes an opportunity to stand in your sovereignty, rather than feeling like a victim of circumstance.

Energetic drain can take many forms, and not all of them are obvious at first glance. Some people act as chaos conduits, living in a perpetual state of drama or crisis and pulling you into their whirlwind whether you want to be there or not. Others become doom messengers, focusing on worst-case scenarios that leave you with a lingering heaviness. Emotional depositors use you as their primary outlet for unloading without reciprocity, while subtle controllers redirect conversations, moods, or choices to suit their needs. Then there are attention binders, who consume your mental bandwidth through constant, low-level demands for connection.

Not every drain is accidental. Some people are actively seeking what your field provides. Their reasons vary. They might be trying to regulate themselves through you, feeling better when your energy stabilizes them. They could be feeding their sense of power, using your attention and emotional responses to fuel their self-image. Others might be avoiding their own discomfort by engaging you as a distraction, or trying to reinforce their own narrative by locking you into their worldview. And for many, this pattern is simply familiar — it’s how they’ve learned to interact since childhood.

It’s important to ask: are they intentionally feeding, or are they simply lacking self-awareness? Some people do intentionally pull energy, while others have no idea they’re doing it. Actual feeding often looks like someone leaving the interaction energized while you consistently feel depleted, provoking emotional reactions to gain your attention, or gravitating toward “high energy” people and lingering. Low self-awareness shows up as habitual oversharing or venting without noticing your state, behaving the same way with everyone, and lacking any intent to gain from it — it’s just habit. Your approach will differ depending on the answer: firm boundaries for intentional feeding, gentle limits or redirection for the unaware.

It also helps to understand the dynamic in broader terms. Feeding is when one person gains at another’s expense. Bleeding is when both people lose energy. Mismatch happens when two otherwise fine people simply don’t mesh energetically. Knowing which is in play allows you to respond with precision rather than reaction.

Here’s the hard truth — sometimes, we are drawn toward people who drain us because they fulfill an unconscious need. It might be the need to be disregarded, reinforcing a familiar role from childhood. It could be the need to be taken advantage of, because exploitation feels predictable. Or it may be the need to confirm low self-worth, seeking treatment that mirrors how we secretly see ourselves. The nervous system craves the familiar more than it craves the good, and recognizing this is a powerful first step.

These interactions are more than inconveniences — they’re invitations to reclaim your sovereignty. Each draining exchange shows you where boundaries need strengthening, where self-perception needs healing, and where your energy needs reclaiming. The ultimate goal isn’t to wall yourself off. It’s to interact from a place of choice, clarity, and energetic stability. Reclaiming your energy is a practice, not a one-time act. Each choice to say “yes” or “no,” to open or close, to stay or walk away, strengthens your field. And the more you claim your sovereignty, the less likely you are to leak — and the harder it is for anyone to feed.

If this resonates, join me for the Energetic Defense Masterclass, where we’ll go deeper into these dynamics, give you tools for real-time protection, and help you move through life with your light intact. This class is free for members of Adara’s Mystery School.

Click here to register.

Whether you join or not, take a moment today to ask:

Where am I giving away my sovereignty?

How can I reclaim my energy right now?

Sometimes the answer changes everything.

With Love & Power,